Time of the Crone?

You may be thinking this is a strange kind of thing to write about at this time of the year. Spring doesnt tend to make people think of endings, death or the time of the Crone. However, I am writing from a personal point of view and how I am feeling at the moment.  Seasons do have an effect on us all, sometimes some more than others, but I am writing from the perspective of personal seasons, lifecycles and even planetary effects.

The last few months have held some interesting experiences, thoughts and events for me. It has made me think over big issues – you know the kind I mean; Life, the Universe and Everything!! First of all we lost a couple of pets to illness and old age, and I was aware of some very tragic events to people I know, losing precious young family members to accidents and other sad situations. Then I fell ill to a very nasty attack of the Flu and for a few weeks was really unable to do anything more than lie in bed and rest.


And last week, my original teacher and High Priestess of the first Coven I was trained in passed to the summer lands. Sylvia was a good old age, well past the 3 score years and ten and had lived an interesting and eventful life, so not an unexpected event when her life finally ended. Even so, it gave my heart cause to grieve at her loss. She was a Great Lady, trained and advised a great many people who entered her circles, and was a wonderful role model for many Witches and Pagans.

My parents are in their 80s now and although fairly healthy, I have become aware that their time is limited and one day I shall have to encounter a personal grief when I lose them. And then my 50th birthday comes up next week and I have been menopausal for a while now.


It’s a time when I feel I want to look at my life now, and what is possibly to come. Im aware that certain birthdays can initiate these feelings and make you feel that it should be acknowledged. However at the moment it seems more than that. I feel the call of the crow as she calls me to pull the dark robe of the Crone over my shoulders and follow Her path now. I’m sure (well, I hope!) I have many more years to go before I am called to cross the Styx, but it feels almost like I am entering a cave for another initiation that I have only now started to become aware of.

When I originally trained in Sylvia's coven Moonshadow, back in the late 80s I was eager to learn, work through and take the formal initiation ceremonies available to me. Over 3 or 4 years I learned, practised and ceremonially took the 1st 2nd and finally 3rd degree initiations to allow me to become an elder of her coven and eventually form my own groups and circles. My understanding then was that the 1st degree was akin to connecting to the Maiden aspect of the Goddess. Then the 2nd was connection to the Mother and finally the 3rd degree was that of the Crone. And as a 3rd degree initiate I could call myself that!
 
Ahh the arrogance of the young! (well actually I had just reached 30 when I finally took the 3rd degree initiation - but still had a lot to learn on my spiritual path). I can see that my initiations to the Maiden and the Mother could well connect to the Maiden and Mother Goddess as I had lived as both, I had - obviously, been a Maiden and had already had the first 2 of my 3 children so had experience of motherhood. I think I could also say there would have been some identity of running and teaching a coven, often 'mothering' some of my circle members.



Maiden by Rachel Mayatt



Mother by Rachel Mayatt

 I like to think of these times as my own personal seasons.






I had some experience of the seasons of maiden and motherhood.

However, the only experience I had of the time of the Crone was that of observer - with family or friends. I could read as much as I wanted about women experiencing their own Crone time, but without being immersed in it myself, I could only guess at what it really means to be there.

And strangely enough, I feel it has crept up on me. Or maybe it wasn’t obvious to me because of all the experiences I needed to have before my body started its journey to becoming the Crone. Mental, emotional, physical and spiritual experiences, from the end of my marriage, the descent into my own personal dark night of the soul that lasted for several years, and the birth of my last child. I have spent the last few years still in the mother phase - and this will stay fairly intense for several more years yet as my youngest daughter is only 8 years old. However, I have also become a Grandmother. My periods have stopped and have only reappeared once in the last 12 months and I am regularly woken with amazing rushes of heat as I ride the power surges that are my journey into the realm of the Crone.


meno pause by Rachel Mayatt

And then as I mentioned previously. I am on the precipice of my 50th birthday which is also astrologically the time of my Chiron return. Death and endings are always around us but I have become more aware of them lately as they have been people or animals I know and care for. I can sense a new awareness of the Crone as she beckons her wizened finger to me to enter her Cavern and begin a new time of learning. I am apprehensive - am I ready? Will I be able to sufficiently rise to this challenge? Actually I think I will. I think whatever is on this new path to be trod; will be particular to me and my experiences.

Funnily enough, as I have got older, I had begun to shed the layers of should, should nots and must or must nots that we often encumber ourselves with during our spiritual journey. I don’t see myself as not being equal to the tasks ahead. As all my experiences, all my feelings and expectations are right as they are. Any feelings of inadequacy or concern are waves of negative energy that I can either indulge in, or waft away. I am all that I should be. I can be more or less if I wish.



Maybe that is one of the biggest lessons to learn as a Crone.

But whatever is waiting for me in Her cave, I know now that the experience is what will truly initiate me and give me the right to call myself Crone.



Making plans to live now, not later

Im one of these annoying people that sail through the winter without getting much in the way of sniffles and coughs! Well, I was! So imagine my irritation and annoyance at coming home from work one monday evening several weeks back feeling achey and a little bit peculiar! Dammit, I thought to myself, Im coming down with a cold. Paracetemol and an early night and a couple of days feeling less than great at work coming up.

About 2 am in the morning, I realised that actually, work wouldnt be an option the following day and I must admit over the next few days I was completely taken aback as I couldnt stand up, shivered when fully clothed and covered with 2 duvets, hurt all over and felt as lousy as I thought it was possible. Finally after a week when I felt I could get out of bed to go to the doctors, I learned I had got the Flu. First time ever, and if you ever see someone sniffling a bit with a head cold telling you they have the flu, remember to tell them they dont know what having it really means.

But this blog isnt about the Flu really. Its more about what went through my mind while I was made to rest up and had nothing to do but sleep or think all day and night. Now I only had Flu. I wasnt terminal, I know it can lead to nasty things and really bad cases of it can be dangerous - but I just felt very unpleasant, and after it developed a secondary lung infection resulting in anti biotics, I turned the corner and got better.

What it did though was make me consider a number of things; my life so far, things I want to do in the future, and how I live now.  The first thing I realised was although Im not really that old, Im 50 this year and I dont consider that particularly old, but I am aware that parts of me dont work as well as they used to. My eyesight has got worse and now I am shortsighted but also need reading glasses too.

I have developed gall stones and have to be careful of what I eat to keep them managed. I dont have the energy to go to work, go out all night and get up at 6 am after a few hours sleep like I could in my twenties.

So Im not as young as I was, and I need to make sure I eat well, get enough sleep and hopefully last well into my dotage. But I also had other things to consider. I realised that the things I had thought I wanted to do or achieve in my life over the last 20 years or so, have changed and I need to make some kind of 'bucket' list. Not that Im expecting to kick the bucket for sometime hopefully, but it did make me think that I dont want to get to a stage where I regret not making plans or taking up things I want to do, just because I want to! 

Ive also had other things happening around me over the last year which has made an impact. One of my dear friends was diagnosed with cancer. After having a breast removed, a dose of very intense chemo and radiotherapy she has gone into remission thankfully. But it did make me think of my own mortality and whether Im living the fullest life I can nowadays. Even little things like 2 of our family pets shuffling off their mortal coils recently added to the thoughts turning over in my mind. And so I started to assemble some ideas of things I want to do in my life, so I dont have cause to regret when I come to its end.

One of my major dreams is to live on a canal or house boat - and I had mentally made a note to do this when I retire, or my youngest daughter leaves home for university etc. Suddenly it occured to me. Why on earth was I waiting another 15 - 20 years for this? I had been kind of mentally considering an inheritance that I know will come to me some time in the future, although hopefully not too soon, and was assuming I would use this to finance it, but there are other options available and so I have opened myself up to looking into it now and seeing if its possible.

A couple of other things to go on my 'bucket' list include a trip to the Scottish Highlands and the Islands.  And one other item which may seem strange to some people, is that I want to be painted, sketched or photographed nude. This is probably an odd one to mention, but it came when I was getting better during my Flu bout and watched a really interesting programme on the art channel about a photographer in America, doing the American road trip thing, and taking pictures of naked people in unusual situations - such as 100 naked people lying in the road with cars and buses driving past them.

There was one particular photograph when there were 2 women. One was a very skinny and tall lady with very pale skin. The other lady was a very large lady, with a lovely face and long luscious hair but lots of rolls of skin and flesh. The larger lady spoke about how this experience had made her feel beautiful and free as she lay back on some rocks by the waters around New York in some of her photographs. The ones he took of both of them together were fantastic, she didnt look uncomfortable or concerned about her body compared to the thinner lady and together it was beautiful.

As I watched this, I realised that I have myself become very comfortable in my own skin. Im not obese, but not a slim type either and I have had body issues in the past. But now, I am content about my body and how I look and feel. It also made me realise that I too, would like to be able to feel totally free, strip off and have someone capture my freedom in paint or print. And so Im looking at the possibility of offering myself to a life art class.

Looking at the few things on my list - which I am sure I will add to as I go along, I realised that its not unachievable or impossible things that I want to do. Maybe slightly unusual, but its ok - its my list. And Im not in a rush, but at the same time, Im not going to put off things that will make me happy.

Resolving not to make resolutions?

The midwinter season has finally wound up and I find myself looking to new ideas, projects and hopefully an interesting year ahead.

My solstice celebration was such a lovely time. My family and some good friends all together. A feast of food and sharing, presents under the tree and lots of fun and silly games afterwards. The only rule was no TV. And so we made merry until it was late and people began to depart.



Over the next few days I saw other family and friends, but having done the meal and presents already, it was lovely to relax, chat and get out into the countryside or by the sea and avoid all the last minute rush of the shops and people doing xmas.

On 25th december I took my youngest daughter for a long walk by the almost deserted beaches of Whitstable and Tankerton. We met a few dog walkers at first all smiling and wishing us merry xmas but eventually as it got towards early afternoon, we found ourselves alone with just the sound of the surf, the seagulls and a lovely time of beach combing and finding interesting shells and driftwood for crafting. Rhiannon declared in her 7 year old wisdom, it had been the best xmas day ever. I had to agree!

It was the same for the next few days, and I cant say I remember having had such a lovely relaxing holiday. We had more seashore walks - along Deal and near Dover.



Yesterday a wonderful day by the mysterious Dungeness with its strange otherworldly energy. The sun shone and that amazing winter light danced around us and the people fishing on the beach. And today I have packed up the last of the tree decorations and cards. Caught up with my household tasks and made myself ready for the return to work tomorrow.


Now Im not one for New Year Resolutions. Ive always felt that if I cant have the discipline to follow a plan through at any other time of the year, it certainly wont be any different at the beginning of the calander year. And to be honest, I celebrate a couple of 'New Year' festivals. The Samhain/celtic new year is one and Imbolc - the beginning of early spring is another. I clinked my glass on 31st december at midnight as it signalled the beginning of a new calander year as well as the birthday of my eldest daughter born on 1 january back in 1987. However, I do find it another good time to take stock of where I am, where I am going and anything I want to focus on next year.

This is not the lose a stone in weight, join a gym or improve my lovelife type of taking stock. It is usually something that may include remembering to honour my time and family. It also tends to be a spiritual focus for me too.



One of my main plans for the year is something I have been thinking of on and off over several months now. For many years I sooo longed to live in the west country. Somerset or Cornwall were two favourites and you may have read in previous blogs how I longed to live in Glastonbury and was sadly dissillusioned in the summer. It resulted in my really looking at why I feel this need to move elsewhere rather than really connect with the land on which I live at the moment. I realised that I wasnt honouring the spirit of the land here, not being in the moment and really connecting. And so I have been thinking of ways to do this.

One of the things I came up with while talking to my best friend last autumn was that there are an awful lot of sacred sites in Kent that we either havnt visited (or maybe did so many years ago as children) or didnt realise were here.

Wonderful places such as Toad Rock and the Coldrum Stones.

Last year I did make more of an effort to visit local and slightly more distant country fayres and celebrations during the year in an effort to connect more. I intend to continue to do so as well as visiting and honouring the sites I am discovering. I will probably write about them on this blog during the year too and Im really looking forward to these visits.

Last year one of my decisions was to make more of an effort to grow my fruit and veg in my pocket handkerchief garden, for the pleasure of having home grown veg as well as another effort to connect with the land. I managed to find some old car tyres and bins to grow some bit and pieces and get the chickens I planned to have a couple of years ago.

This year I am planning more veg - I last grew onions about 20 years ago, so thats another new challenge. Still doing the potatoes, tomatoes and courgettes. My herb patch needs sorting since the chickens used it for a dirt bath!! I think some soft fruit this year too.

Other ideas and plans for the year are cooking in the pot and will probably be started in the next few months.



Our first Witches Stitches craft night of 2012 is tomorrow night and we plan to sit and make lists of the crafts we want to do this year and make sure we organise our diaries to keep to our plans.

So though I cant say I have any resolutions as such - I can say I have plans. I am planting the seeds and who knows what may grow this year.

Midwinter Festival - A Time To Celebrate

As I wander down my local high street window-shopping and people watching I am aware of the festive lights twinkling above – attached to the various shops and lampposts. The shops themselves - windows brimful of packages covered with tinsel and wrapped up to look like seasonal gifts. Seemingly unaware of the financial crunch we keep hearing about, they beckon the harried Christmas shopper in to increase the amount on the credit cards. At my daughter’s school, they are rehearsing for the school Christmas concerts and busy collecting unwanted toiletries to sell at the seasonal fayre.



And today I was amused to be accosted by the normally friendly parents of her school chums. They spoke to me with undisguised pity in their voices as they asked the usual questions at this time of year. ‘Oh yes that’s right – you’re a pagan aren’t you? Bet you feel a bit left out this time of year? Well what do you do at Christmas then?’ ‘Such a shame isn’t it – doesn’t she get upset at not getting any presents?’. And a number of various similar questions that added up to the accusation of my obvious scrooge like behavior because I don’t do Xmas!!



Of course once I explain that actually, I don’t celebrate the 25th December, but the Solstice a few days before. That yes, we do have a decorated tree, celebrations, sing songs, have presents and do many of the same kinds of things with a different emphasis there is almost a sigh of relief. Then its off to accost the other strange people who don’t ‘do Christmas’ – with the majority of pity levied on the family who’s children are Jehovah’s witnesses and ‘don’t have any Christmas or even birthdays!!!’

It amuses me because of the way people become almost concerned and worried that my child isn’t going to be part of the celebrations with their own kids. Whereas for the rest of the year they seem to have no problem at all that we are a pagan family! It amuses me because I feel that I actually have far more fun and joy throughout the whole year celebrating all the festivals and giving them equal attention and making sure my youngest daughter enjoys herself as well as learning about the reasons why we celebrate them and what they mean.

In 2008 I decided to be pro-active and gave the school and my daughter’s current teacher copies of a book I wrote on celebrating the seasons in a pagan family. It included our family activities and beliefs for the complete yearly festivals as well as the solstice and it was very well received. The school head was very positive and let me know they will be including activities and information in it for inclusion in the assemblies along with the other cultural activities they now include, such as Devali and Hanukkah.



As a family we do enjoy all the seasonal cycles but I do have a sneaky extra love for this time of year. It’s the whole of autumn through to winter that I love the most. Beginning with harvest time – when we have outings foraging in the countryside. Then Samhain – when we have a family circle for friends and children with a party that culminates in the local trick or treat activities. Finally with the many craft activities and preparations we put into our Yuletide feasting; I relish the planning and organizing of the Solstice season. I see no reason why I shouldn’t enjoy this season as much, if not more that the Christians do – whether secular or practicing. And of course as Christmas did actually kidnap our festival, I make no apologies at any of my anticipation and enjoyment of this time of year.



We have been active since the harvests, gathering blackberries, elderberries and other various hedgerow goodies. Making jams, cordials and jellies. Sloes have been steeped in sugar and brandy, and chillies stripped of their skins and submerged in olive oil for several weeks. Ingredients have been collected to make fudge, cinnamon candies, sugared chestnuts and candied peel. Wines brewed and fruits submerged in jars with a variety of alcoholic beverages and each one newly stickered and tied with a ribbon ready for stockings.



Next week we are making the handmade Solstice cards and last night we hand printed the large rolls of wall lining paper for our own wrapping paper. And the 21 matchboxes I have found over the last few months will be decorated and filled with a small chocolate for my daughters Solstice advent style calendar. We still have a pudding and a cake- with the same ritual stirring and wish making – wonderful spell opportunities. And the gingerbread is being cut and decorated into biscuits to hang in star, moon and Goddess shapes on the Solstice tree.

We will go into the local woodlands and find berried holly, ivy and search out the elusive mistletoe to hang around the mantelpiece. Cutting strips of paper we make paper chains and paper decorations for the living room. A ring of willow I made in the summer has dried out and will be decorated with the pinecones we dipped in glitter, with ribbons and more holly to hang on the front door.



My daughter will enjoy the Christmas parties and concerts at school – she knows that the Christian festival is their version of celebrating the light returning at the darkest point of winter. She accepts it and doesn’t seem to have any of the problems of understanding it that her friend’s parents do. We went to enjoy Cinderella at the new Marlowe Theatre last weekend and this year I finish work the day before the solstice.



The night before we will light the Yule candle on the altar(I don’t have a fireplace any more!) and put out clove oranges to represent the Sun returning. On the day itself, my older grown up children and some pagan friends will come along with their families to have presents under the tree, sit round the table and feast on a shared meal while toasting the Solstice with some of the potent wine made from our foraging trips.



And on the 25th December? My daughter and I will take a flask of soup, a bag of birdseed and stale bread and have a hearty walk in the woods and by the river to feed the ducks. When we get home we will sit together watching DVDs and videos after a light lunch and the satisfied feeling that we have celebrated the real meaning of this season – the cycles of life and the balance of light and darkness.

May your solstice or whatever you celebrate be whatever you wish it to be.



Blessings
Rachel

Thrift and Fun crafts 1.

Over the last year I have enjoyed a variety of activities and gatherings with the idea of making and creating. Of going out into the countryside to forage and gather ingredients which we can make into tasty treats, and trying out arts and crafts. Things that include traditional crafts, or new adaptions.

I have gathered together other pagan friends fortnightly to have an evening of creative fun trying out some of these crafts. Our group calls our fortnightly wednesday night 'Witches Stitches'. And though originally we intended to mainly do some kinds of stitch crafts, it has widened to include various others too.

And at other times, I have been able to attend local craft fairs, traditional village and goose fairs, or other events that promote traditional crafts and activities. All in all, this year has been full of creative fun, and certainly fuelled the creative juices in me, my family and friends too.

What is wonderful is sharing the fun, learning something together and ending up with something to remember the evening too. Some of the things we have made will become gifts and with the Winter Solstice coming up, I thought I would share some of the fun and ideas we've had to use for gift ideas, maybe over a couple of seperate blogging sessions.

Bath bombs



Thanks to my friend Sarah for this. We made some of these during a Witches Stitches a few weeks back. Easy to make and for children too.

2 tablespoons of cornflour,
2 tablespoons of citric acid and
60g of baking powder into a bowl.

In another bowl, put 3 tablespoons of oil
a few drops of food colouring
a few drops of essential oil
if you wish, add a few dried herbs too

Mix all these ingredients together into a damp crumbly mixture.

Pack into moulds - a ping pong ball cut in half is excellent.
leave for a few days to dry out a bit and then pack a few into cellophane wrapping and tie with a big bow

Button Craft

Another fun evening in Witches Stitches was suggested by Jane. Button craft is fun and easy to do and you can create some lovely decorations and items.




You need an assortment of buttons
wire
ribbons
any other decorative items you want to use.


Thread long wire through buttons and bend into different designs. Great for country type wall hangings, yule tree/xmas tree decorations.

some people put 2 or 3 buttons together to make different contrasts.

You can use ribbons or elastic to make hair decorations too. Or put wire and ribbons together for extra decorative effects.

And a last creative tipple.


Orange Liqueur

Walking around a well known supermarket with my friend Sarah recently we noticed the price of Grand Marnier liqueur, a lovely orange flavoured brandy type drink. We've already been making sloe gin and damson gin recently, and a forest fruit brandy is maturing in my cupboard at the moment.


However, we decided to make our own orange brandy too.

Cheap brandy with several orange slices and the same weight of sugar as that of the fruit is placed in a sealed jar or large neck bottle. Leave for at least a month in a dark cupboard. Decant the liqueur into clean bottles and put the fruit into jars to use as decorations on adult puddings.

Enjoy!

Missed in Avalon

For a long time Ive been promising to take Rhiannon to my most favourite places. Places I love. Last year we visited Avebury for the first time and she also found it was a place she felt was special. This year I finally had the resources, car etc to take her to Glastonbury. Its been a long time since I was there last. Over 10 years in fact. It goes by so quickly, I hadnt realised how long it had been, although I realised how much I had missed being there.

It couldnt be a long visit though. I had to be back home for a hospital appointment and time it all between some summer leave from work, so a nice long weekend was planned to stay with a friend of mine who had moved down there just a year ago. So much excitement. Finally to visit the place I have longed to live in for so many years.

I first visited Glastonbury about 20 years ago. Starting with a trip into the town during my stay at the Glastonbury Festival. I loved it instantly. The feeling of being 'at home' there. Wonderful and interesting shops all nestling along with the usual ones in a high street. I remember a cavernlike shop called ISIS. Full of interesting books, decorative items you walked through one shop into another and at the back was a studio with the wonderful paintings of Peter Pracownik and stuff he was working on at the time. What I also loved was that there were lots of interesting witchy shops, not just the odd one you sometimes see in most towns.

I watched people in the streets while I sipped coffee, in the Blue note cafe, a man with bare feet walking along with a guitar strung on his back. Then a lady with a twinset and court shoes clip clopping along. A melting pot of many different types of people and ideas, all milling around together. It was a festival feeling there. And not just because of the Glastonbury festival. I visited again several times over the next few years at different times in the year and the same feeling was there.

And so I longed to live there. To be part of this amazing place. And then - on top of all this, the most wonderful Tor and the Chalice Well.



Wonderful places with such amazing energy. Over the years when I visited either along or with my older children, we always made sure we climbed the Tor and drank from the well. I remember one really wild and windy day, climbing the hill with my children (just the 2 then) and having to hold them really tight. Im sure if I had attached string to them I could have flown them like kites!

My visits stopped for a while for various reasons, my personal life changed, I became a one parent family with little money for expenses like transport or holidays. And living in Kent as I do, it was a fair distance to get to. Specially lugging heavy camping gear and trailing 2 children with me. And so the years slipped by.

My circumstances changed, I wished so much to revisit the Isle of Avalon once again. And take my youngest daughter to visit. I had told Rhiannon so much about it and she wanted to see it too. Last year it almost happened but something came up, so when a friend of mine moved down there just a year ago and invited us to visit, we were ready.



Our trip from kent was broken with a stop at Avebury on the way. Wonderful, we circled the Stones and left an offering at the trees with the plaited roots. Rejuvinated we drove the last few miles to Glastonbury. And when we saw the Tor in the distance I felt so happy. At last! 10 years of waiting and im finally here again.






The Tor was magical - the chalice well was calm and peaceful and beautiful. We drank the waters and made a staff while the gardens hosted a healing festival that was on that weekend. We saw our friend and met a few new ones too. And the Goddess Temple in the centre of Glastonbury was lovely. So peaceful and beautiful. We sat in it for a while, Rhiannon drawing a picture of the Goddess that the lovely melissa put on the altar and promised to take a photo when it was closed to email us later.














So why was I saddened during my visit?

Isnt this a place I love, have longed to see again, a place that restores my soul?

Actually.....I dont like it any more. Well, Im afraid I dont like the town itself. I loved climbing the Tor again, pausing for breath at the bench half way up. Sitting at the top, closing my eyes and feeling the healing energies from the earth. Paddling in the Chalice well waters and filling bottles with the healing waters was wonderful too. But these are the ancient places that make up Avalon and will never change no matter what people do to them.








The town is another matter. Oh yes - I enjoyed sitting in the cafe drinking hot apple punch and snacking on the nicest carrot cake ive ever tasted. And the Goddess temple itself was an oasis of peace and love. But what about the rest?

Maybe its not that I dislike it but just realised I wouldnt want to live here. Maybe if I did I might dip under the brash prices and sugar coating spirituality being sold around me. I could meet the genuine dwellers - like the few I met on my visit through my friend. Maybe I could connect with the people hidden in the mists of this Isle that remain hidden to the outsiders who briefly visit - such as me!

But now, when I look at the town, I see the tinsel for sale. The unwelcoming notices to parents regarding the sale items. NO TOUCHING signs. I understand why. The giant crystals ripped from the earth for sale at thousands of pounds, ornaments and statues at similar large prices. No one wants the children touching them. Breakages must be paid for.

One or two places still welcomed the customer. But on the whole I saw the ££££ signs and the posters with the latest guru being advertised. Courses priced int the hundreds and thousands.

Now before anyone says anything, I have no problem with people needing to earn a living. We all have to pay the rent, bills and put food on the table. But it seems we have new updated courses and workshops to experience and then along comes anew one, more money, more money, more money!

And at night the place changed - during the time I was there staying in the town I heard shouting, noise, arguments and threats between groups of people coming from the pubs.I closed my eyes and thought of the peace in the Well gardens and on the Tor in the early morning.


So I left, knowing my home and path lie elsewhere. To continue to honour the Goddess who is everywhere afterall. Sad in some ways that this place I dreamed of living in for so long, is not meant for me. But also, strangely free!

A little bit Country, a little bit Rock n roll

One of the things I find living on the edge of a city, albeit a small city with the country on my doorstep, is that sometimes I need to refresh myself. To rediscover the joys of both worlds - living in an urban setting and enjoying the facilities it offers, as well as getting the chance to get out into the countryside and refresh the parts that other beers do not reach.



The plan this weekend, was on saturday to celebrate the full moon at a farm nearby with the organisers of the Druid grove I like to attend. A few good friends, a bonfire and the chance to camp out for those who wanted to drink more than a toast around the circle. Circumstances prevented this unfortunately, and instead, I found myself sitting by the sea at St Margarets bay with jagged seaweed covered rocks, white cliffs and black stones and shingle that looked more like a volcanic landscape than a typical local beach.




There, with my youngest daughter and a good friend, we connected to the spirit of the oceans, ate a hearty picnic and made an offering to the waters and the Lady of the Sea. Funny how things that arent planned (by us anyway!) are often the ones that create the most amazing energy. We drove home into the most glorious sunset, and I felt something so right connect as we got home in the dark, to go to bed and sleep a good sleep.

And then today, my plan was to get busy on some long awaited clearing up! Since I have started work again, I find the time for getting my home in some kind of order quite limited. Im trying not to get silly about this - Im certainly not someone with a disorder for excessive cleaning, but I do like to feel uncluttered at least. (difficult really with a 7 year old with a penchant for crafts, making dens and leaving toys around just in case!)

However, as I clicked briefly on facebook and saw my friend's status declaring she had just left for the Smallholders fair at Sissinghurst castle, I suddenly remembered it was something I had told her about and meant to visit myself. Suddenly it was almost a military opperation, get the washing hung out, bath and wash hair, get some things together and leave. At least hopefully to get there in time to hear Hugh Fearnly Wittingstal's talk.

And so we got out of the door and on the open road. With my friend's loan of a sat nav bossily instructing us on the directions...enter roundabout..take the 3rd exit...after .7miles turn left....turn left......TURN LEFT!!!!!

Well I got there in time for the last 10minutes of Hugh's talk. But it didnt matter. Breathing in the beautiful energy of the Weald of Kent land. Munching on hog roast and wandering around looking at the sheep and lavendar bantams, the pot bellied piglets (had to really discipline myself not to buy one!!) and the crafts. Rhiannon held as many animals as she was allowed - which was most of them, except for the cow!


I became a member of the kent smallholders association. Well I do have 2 chickens and a few veg growing in my handkerchief!! What fun! Im a smallholder!! A very smallholder!!

It was one of those events that kind of inspires and re-energises me. Topping off the events of last night its been one of those weekends that I can live off for a very long time. And now my autumn and winter has something to plan and focus on. To meet together with other smallholders (whether those with a fields or a window box to smallhold on) and the possibility of dancing with a Morris side. Im well and truly ready to continue in my Urban paradise. As long as I can bring a bit of country into my urban life. I am content.