Saturday, 15 May 2010
What an interesting week its been! It started fairly quietly, back to work on monday, pottering around at home. But then I developed this painful ear! Within a day it was swollen and sore and I couldnt hear a thing out of it. The trouble is, it was my 'good' ear. Im sure you know what I mean. Like lots of people, I have one ear that hears 'better' than the other one, its my phone ear too, so when you take it out of action, things are not so great! I tried a little warm almond oil for a night or two but nothing worked. So next day - visit to the doctor and yes - it is infected. The medication is slowly working - the pain is less and the swelling down a little, but its going to be another week or so before I can get it syringed. Its given me quite an interesting experience though.
Ive never been worried about being alone or needed lots of external noise to feel comfortable, but its quite interesting how I have almost retreated inside myself due to the inability to hear properly. At work I have to run a busy kitchen so giving instructions to the catering staff is fine and they know I cant chat at the moment but I noticed that I have to let anyone visiting, other school staff etc know I cant hear them as they seemed to assume I was ignoring them when the truth was, I just hadnt heard them speak to me. It made me think about the way we have to oil the wheels with each other each day to make sure we all get along. How easy it is to take offence for some people. I think this speaks a lot about their own feelings of self worth or self importance sometimes. (being fairly deaf at the moment gives me a lot of inner time to think about stuff like this lol).
Like a lot of people, I too think I can take offence too easily, feel slighted when nothing was intended to slight me. Its all down to my own self image really and made me think about how I relate to my family, friends and workplace. Are the occasional insults I think I have had aimed at my job and role here really what I think they are? Or am I just being oversensitive? What does that say about me and how I relate to my role here? I remember the saying that no one can make you feel lesser than them other than yourself. So do I think of myself in a less favourable way? Maybe I do! After all - dont we bring these things to us ourselves sometimes by making assumptions thats how a person thinks we are.
What an interesting time its giving me. Im certainly going to try and use it as a situation to learn from and its given me a lot to think about in my temporary silent world.